I was torn whether or not to create a blog to document our journey that I have called ‘Operation: Baby Williams’. Something so personal, like infertility, provokes so many emotions that it’s hard to fully understand and gasp what we are going through. But that’s why I thought it would be therapeutic to get my thoughts and feelings written down, rather then keeping them inside. My husband, Jared and I, have been trying to conceive for the past 18 months and as devastating as that is, we know we will appreciate parenthood that much more. I’ve spent numerous hours reading blogs and forums online about infertility; the stories can be both heartbreaking and inspirational. They have helped me get through this process and maybe I can help others who are in a similar situation.
Now let me catch everyone up to date:
‘Operation: Baby Williams’ began back in March 2012 – yes, it was three months before we were married but we figured if I were pregnant during the wedding, it would be too early to show. We knew we wanted to start a family and therefore, figured we wouldn’t prevent it from happening, because if it was meant to be, it would happen. After five months of trying to conceive naturally with no luck, we decided to start using Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPK). With each month that passed, we felt so disappointed. Why isn't this happening? Soon it was November 2012 and still, no baby. Yet all around us, people were getting pregnant so easily. What were we doing wrong?
When I went to my OB for my annual appointment, I asked her for answers. Her response with the standard: “It takes a normal, healthy couple about a year to conceive”. She wanted me to wait until March 2013 to do any testing. I couldn’t wait that long – it seemed like eons away. Two more months passed with no luck and I couldn’t take the wait any longer. In January 2013, I went back to my OB. She decided to send me to the lab for some tests: TSH, Prolactin, T4, and FSH. Everything came back normal, expect for my thyroid. I found out I have low thyroid, which can contribute to infertility. I was so upset when I found this out because this is something she could have tested for back in November. She put me on Levothyroxine to get my levels in normal range and told me to come back in three months if I still wasn’t pregnant.
I was so frustrated. I just felt that we kept hitting barriers and we would never be able to start a family. Like everyone just kept turning us away and didn’t want to help. But we stayed strong and tried for the next three months. In March, I was back in her office. This time she prescribed Clomid, which can cause multiple eggs to be released during ovulation. After 2 months on Clomid with no success, she suggested that Jared submit a semen analysis. Again, something that could have been done months ago!! Well, his results came back with significantly low sperm count and motility. This news was so hard to hear on both of us. We did tons of research and nothing seemed scientifically proven to increase counts. Would we ever be able to have a family?
My OB referred us to Wash U Reproductive Center. We met with our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), Dr. Keller, and she recommended that we do a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test, which is an X-Ray test that examines the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes. We took her advice and scheduled the procedure for the end of April. This was the most excruciating and painful thing I have ever experienced! I cried the entire time. Never in my life have I felt so much pain. But all I could think about is the end goal. The results showed that the iodine solution passed through my left tube, but not my right. They couldn’t confirm if this was because it was blocked or if it was because I was so tense. Again, when we heard this news, we were devastated. We felt that we just kept getting knocked down and our vision of a family would never be a reality. Based on these results, Dr. Keller recommended a laparoscopy to further check my tubes and uterus to confirm or deny the blockage. She would be able to unblock the tube if need be, and then we could proceed with 3-6 months of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). IUIs increase the chance of pregnancy by about 10%. Her other recommendation, was In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) – which has about a 45% success rate nationally. IVF, at that time, was out of the question due to the cost. We also didn’t want to spend the money on the surgery since we just spent money on the HSG test. So we decided to skip the laparoscopy and go straight to the more affordable option of IUI and see what happens.
So Dr. Keller increased my Clomid dosage to increase the amount of eggs that would be released. She also did some more blood work, including a Progesterone test and an AMH test to check my ovarian reserve. My AMH was high – way above normal!! This was the first good news we’ve heard in a while. We tried to stay optimistic and were excited to do the IUI. The first IUI was early May 2013. Jared’s motile sperm count was about seven million. The recommended sperm count for IUIs is at least 10 million motile sperm. The nurse asked us if we wanted to proceed. We felt we could still beat the odds and get pregnant. Well, two weeks later, I got my period. We did the IUI again in late May, and again his count was low. This was so frustrating!! My blood tests in between fertility treatments were coming back normal and still nothing was working! We were doing everything we were told -- cut out alcohol and caffeine, no boxer-briefs, take multivitamins, drink lots of water. Why couldn’t we get pregnant??
I started to become comfortable with the idea that maybe a family wasn’t in our future. That maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Never did I think we would be dealing with this -- especially a year after getting married. However, Jared would not let me give up and with his strength and encouragement, we kept moving forward. We decided the end of June would be our last IUI and then we’d consider other options. This time Jared’s count was a little over one million. Again, the nurse told me the chance of pregnancy was slim, but I wanted to go ahead with it anyway. After all, it only takes one good swimmer. Another month down, another month without a baby.
At first I was embarrassed and felt inadequate, but I knew I couldn’t keep these feelings inside. I started reaching out to family, friends and coworkers for support. Surprisingly, many people I talked to either had similar struggles, or knew someone that did. This was so comforting to hear. I wasn’t alone and I had people who understood what we were going through. And even those who were unfamiliar with infertility were willing to learn and listen to our story. We were so grateful and appreciative of the support we received. But there were others, unaware of our struggles, asking us “When will you have kids?”. It was hard to smile and say ‘Maybe one day’ or ‘Hopefully soon’. And then to hear comments ranging from “You’re young, you have time” to “It will happen when you least expect it” or “I know people that have been trying for a lot longer.” It was even harder to hear those around us so excitedly announce their pregnancy. The whirlwind of emotions was overwhelming. In my online searches, I came across an excellent essay of one woman’s struggles that I could really relate to. Here is a link to it:
Being faced with the cards we were dealt, we knew IVF was our only solution. We attended a few seminars and listened to other people’s struggle with infertility. We’ve learned so much over the past several months that we are probably darn near close to being experts. We started comparing fertility centers in the area to get the best doctor, with the best success rate, for the most affordable cost. We already had information from Wash U, so we met with Dr. Dayal at SIRM in St. Louis, Dr. Ahlering at MCRM in Columbia, and Dr. Wilshire at MMRMS in Columbia. It was information overload and each RE had a slightly different plan in place for us. But it was at Dr. Wilshire’s office where I felt the most comfortable. His office was not only affordable, but has one of the highest success rates in the country (63%).
It was during his office visit, where I had my first ultrasound – no one else ever bought that up in all the months we were trying. It was during this ultrasound that he found a fibroid about the size of my uterus. He said we can’t move forward until it’s removed – which required a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. Another expense and another delay in our plans to grow a family. He told us that after the surgery, we would need to wait three months before moving forward with IVF – so that would put us at November 2013. WOW…another delay. We went ahead with the surgery on August 5, 2013, and it was a success. In fact, it confirmed that I did have a blocked right tube, which the Dr. was able to clear.
During my post-op appointment with Dr. Wilshire we discussed IVF in more detail. I never knew how involved it was. Many people, in fact, don't understand how big of an emotional, physical, and financial investment IVF is. The average cost of IVF in the United States is anywhere from $12,000-$20,000 a cycle (month) depending on your location. This is not always covered by insurance, and this cost does not include other necessities like medications for injections, which run anywhere between $3,000-$6,000. IVF is a very intrusive daily process, where on average you are giving yourself between 1-3 shots a day-mostly in your stomach. This eventually leads to an egg retrieval, which you are sedated for about an hour. Three to five days later, you undergo your embryo transfer, which typically consists of one to two embryos being placed back into your uterus in hopes that they will attach. After this transfer takes place, the shots continue for a two week period minimum. Within less than two weeks, a blood test is given and it is determined whether or not you are pregnant. With the clinic in Columbia, this also meant many trips back and forth for doctor’s appointments. Dr. Wilshire also recommended that we do Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) – which is basically a procedure where the embryologist injects each egg with a sperm to increase chances of fertilization. This was all so overwhelming. There was a lot to consider and definitely not a decision we made over night. We would be going through the biggest infertility treatment of them all, with only a 63% of success. It’s a lot of money and emotional strain for something that’s not guaranteed! All of our savings which we were putting towards a new home would now have to be used to start a family. Will I be able to handle the daily injections? What about the hormonal roller coaster ride that these medicines will take me on? And the timing of everything has to be so precise. The anxiety and stress was quite alarming. We ultimately decided that you can’t put a price on a child, and this is what we had to do. October 29th would be the start of our injections. WOW – this was becoming a reality for us.
The first thing Dr. Wilshire did was put me on birth control pills to relax my ovaries. He then scheduled a Mock Embryo Transfer. This is a painless procedure, similar to an IUI. It is the of the most critical parts of a successful IVF though. The RE only has 20 seconds to get the embryos/blastocysts into the back cavity of the uterus. Through this mock transfer, the RE will know what type of catheter to use and exactly where to place the embryos. This was done September 27, 2013.
So there you have it: ‘Operation: Baby Williams’. Next important date is Friday, October 25th. Jared and I will both be put on an antibiotic so neither of us get sick during this process. I also take my last Birth Control pill. On Tuesday, October 29th, it’s off to Columbia for blood work, an ultrasound, and my first round of injections! Less then a week away! I’ll keep you posted on our progress.
